


Don’t look behind you

by Konwaliawrites



Category: Sonic The Hedgehog (All Media Types)
Genre: Blonde haired ppl are screwed in this AU, Is this major character death if Shadow is a ghost, Life in tribes, M/M, Maria is kidnapped, Maria lives but Shadow gets killed instead, Maybe a bit brutal at times, No further mistreatment though, Shadow Weavers AU, Trans Infinite, he gets killed but comes back to life like, instantly, life after death, this one is pretty dark
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-17
Updated: 2020-12-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 00:15:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,430
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27604768
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Konwaliawrites/pseuds/Konwaliawrites
Summary: Sonic is soon to be the chief of his beloved tribe. One of his new duties will be purging the village from the dark spirits— Shadow Weavers. But what if not all demons turned out to be malicious? What if they needed help instead?/ Sonadow
Relationships: Sonic the Hedgehog/Shadow the Hedgehog
Kudos: 29





	1. The thing that hides in the shadows

**Author's Note:**

> How do you like the redesigns? They have been done by amazing Ehuante! <3 this is how Shadow and Sonic look like in my story c:

Have you ever thought of the pace of your life?

If you were to sit down for a minute and contemplate it, what conclusion would you come up with?

Is it constantly shifting, as if in a kaleidoscope, is its current fast and unpredictable, like a dam breaking? Or does it go slow and stable, bit by bit sinking its roots deeper into the ground?

To some people out there, days blend by in a stable, monotonous pattern. Each day is just one of the many scales that snake around the circle of life. 

Shadow could definitely say he can relate to these people; or well, he could up to a certain point. That was until one, dreadful day he had to face the music.

The music sung by the angels of death. Their crescendo was definitely well balanced; the notes were just as beautiful as they were horrifying.

Before his grandfather passed away, he told Shadow something very crucial, something he did not see the value of until today.

_‘Every moment of happiness comes at a price, Shadow.’_

_His hand felt weak holding Shadow’s, the human drifting off to nap, even though it was the middle of the day and the sun was peeking through their windows._

Later, he and Maria would contemplate about it, trying to figure out what it meant. After all, weren’t people supposed to pay for the bad things they have done? How could experiencing happiness be a malicious deed that would require a punishment? It just didn’t make sense.

Today, Shadow finally understood these words. He wishes he hadn’t.

It was the day in which he not only understood that every moment of happiness came with a price, he also was currently forced by fate to pay back for every single joyous moment he spent with his sister. He felt karma crawling up to him faster and faster, and he really did not want to take such responsibility. 

“Shadow, please, I can’t keep up!” A young girl’s voice called, making him turn back. She tried really hard to keep up with her brother, but she tripped, making his stomach twist when he saw that the people chasing them were catching up quickly.

Pirates. Dreadful beasts with rotten hearts. They wouldn’t turn their backs on any job that paid well, even if it meant enslaving a little girl. _Disgusting._

“Maria, we have to keep going!” 

The striped hedgehog was by her side in an instant, picking her up. Having to carry the girl definitely affected his speed negatively, but it had to make do. 

“T-they’re going to get us, Shadow…” She clung to the dark mobian’s neck, her pale cheeks red and wet from all her salty tears. He’s never seen her this scared before.

“No, they’re not!” He said that, but even he knew they couldn’t run from darts forever. The black cape, as well as the dark patterned scarf he wore were starting to get in the way, limiting his movement, but he did not dare stop or slow down to take it off. The graphite tinted bandages he wrapped around his feet compensated for the burn he felt from running, although it wasn’t by much. Dirt dug into his paw pads in places where the stripes couldn’t cover, scratching away skin. The bandages wrapped around his hands were absorbing so much sweat they felt damp and unpleasant on his skin. His legs, muscular and usually hard to touch now felt softer than a cotton bud. If he doesn’t come up with something soon, the group was going to catch up to them. And chaos, their screams hurt more than those of a banshee. 

“Give us the golden haired girl!”

“Damn, golden haired ones are so rare!”

“This girl is a walking pile of money. Hand her over, you brat!”

Everything smelled like fear. The air, the leaves, even the grass he ran over that he normally would have enjoyed on any other day, suddenly felt lethal. 

In the past, he and Maria would spend time together on this cliffside. He would run alongside it, gathering flowers for his sister from the nearby fields. She would sit down and make flower crowns, for once letting her hood fall on her shoulders, exposing beautiful golden locks.

Such was life. Once.

_That was supposed to be another regular day; as it happened every Friday, he and his sister were going shopping. They were supposed to get two zucchinis, a pack of potatoes, some apples and flour. Nothing out of the ordinary. They threaded through the market like they had done so many times before._

_A stranger standing before them in line dropped their groceries, a middle-aged brown weasel with a grayed out tail. His sister squatted down to help them pick everything up._

_Maria’s hood fell off, exposing her golden locks out in the open for everyone to see. The passerby’s eyes widened, but nobody said a thing, like nothing unordinary happened. They continued their shopping as usual._

_He and Maria were already done buying vegetables and flour at the market and were heading home. There wasn’t anything unusual about it, just their usual routine;_ something _felt off, however._

_Shadow couldn’t stop the anxiety twisting his stomach, and when he heard somebody whisper behind them, he knew his feelings were justified._

_‘They live an hour walk from here, sir. I could give you directions for five hundred rings. My family is starving since the last heat wave, we can barely afford food for everyone…’_

_There was a sound of a metal clank before another stranger spoke._

_‘Granted. Now speak, weasel.’_

_Later that day, Maria would assure him that everything was okay, tell him that maybe he’d misheard the conversation. She would peck his cheek and say ‘how about we forget what happened and bake the apple cake?’_

_He heard it. He couldn’t have possibly heard wrong, the two people weren’t that far away from them._

He ran down the hill and out of the forest, arriving at a wooden dock. A brief gasp of relief left both of them because the only thing there was just a small boat, perhaps belonging to a humble fisherman. Wherever the pirates had left their ship, it definitely wasn’t here. 

“Please, somebody!” he cried, knocking at the door with vigor. 

He would have nearly torn the skin on his knuckles off along with his gloves, and yet there was no answer. He began stuttering, just replying pleas over and over. But help never came.

He didn’t dare look when the bandits reached them at last. He wasn’t strong enough to face his destiny. 

_I’m not ready to die. Please…_

A terrified scream forced his head up, making him look at the scene despite his fears. 

At Maria’s tearful face as she was being taken away by two skunks, thrashing in their hold as her hands were being swiftly tied behind her back with a rope. 

“ _Don’t hurt her!_ ” He screamed pathetically, trying to reach his sister. Two muscular jackals held him down. The stench of rotten wet wood hit his nose once his head hit the floor. A third jackal walked up to him, the graceful style of their walk not at all suitable for a pirate. In fact, such walking style, as well as the gestures they made, were typical for royal families. So, where could they possibly learn such behavior? It definitely wasn’t something one could develop just naturally. There were bandages binding their chest, as well as a white bandanna to which the ruby pirate leader badge was connected to. Their voice had quite a high pitch to it, but it was still noticeable how rough it was, and how the jackal seemed to keep it low, for some reason. Black fur of the jackal contrasted with their white muzzle, as well as the long white locks on top of their head. The scar that ran across their face did not manage to give them a horrifying look — in fact, it looked like it was _meant_ to be there, like it was just a differently colored patch of fur. Only a closer look at it showed that it was, in fact, a scar. Were they not so disgustingly malicious, the striped hedgehog could easily find them beautiful, graceful even.

But they _were_ malicious. Rotten to the bone.

They smirked at Shadow, looking down on him literally and figuratively. Savoring their victory, no doubt. Sapphire and gold danced in their eyes in a mix of joy and bitter cold, much like their heart.

“No worries, rat. I’m not the type of guy who would sabotage his own paycheck. The little girl is worth way more than your pathetic life multiplied; my pack and her future boss will treat her well.” He fixed the leather strap that ran across his chest, connecting to the bag that swayed by his hip.

“Shadow, I will find you!” She called out, “I will find my way back to you, I promise!” 

The pirate leader frowned at his sister’s cries. He looked like he was just forced to swallow a bitter liquid.

“... Even though she doesn’t know when to shut up. Tumble! Do me a favor and quiet her down.”

She couldn’t say any more -- the bulky skunk covered her mouth with a cloth as she was being dragged back to the pirate ship. Eventually, Maria’s muffled cries faded into the distance as she was taken away. He couldn’t see her anymore, and she couldn’t see him. His hot tears melted into the cold pier. He yearned for nothing more than feeling his sister’s warm embrace again.

But such wasn’t his luck.

_How could it go so wrong?_

“As for you, however…” The black jackal reached into his bag, pulling out a cigar and lighting it up with a match. For a moment, it was as if time around them stopped existing. The scar on his face twisted in ugly wrinkles. He looked like he was contemplating something.

He puffed the smoke once, twice.

And then, he finally spoke up.

“Finish him off.” The man said in a casual tone, as if they were merely having a conversation about the weather. He turned around gracefully and walked off in the same direction as the skunks. Puffs of cigar smoke still lingered in the air.

“N-no…” Shadow thrashed in their hold, panicking when the cold blade of a knife came in touch with his throat. _Not yet. Not yet!_

“ _No!!_ ”

The seagulls cried upon his demise, the sea carried over tears in the dark carmine color of the striped hedgehog’s blood.

Not even once did Maria hear his desperate shriek.

_‘Shadow?’ Maria’s cautious voice broke the silence. The two of them were lying down on the grass, observing the beautiful starry sky._

_‘Yes?’ He asked, trying very hard to pay attention. It was very late and he was getting sleepy…_

_‘Do you think that maybe, one day, we will be able to touch these stars? Go high up there?’_

_A snort left the mobian. He knew Maria was a dreamer, but this?_

_‘That’s preposterous, Maria. This is the land of gods, no human or mobian could ever hope to reach it.’_

_‘Well, I will! Just wait and watch!’ She pouted, cheeks puffing. She sat up, crossed her arms and for a moment, Shadow worried he might have offended her._

_He was proven otherwise when she spoke up again._

_‘When I do… you will come with me, right?’_

_He didn’t even have to ponder his answer. It was easy._

_‘Of course, Maria. I always will.’_

When he came to, he didn’t feel any pain. 

_Was it all just a dream? Where is Maria?_

His eyelids felt too heavy to lift them up just yet, but he could already tell something was off. The ground felt too hard for it to be his own bed. Normally, his bedroom had the everlasting smell of lavender that Maria had planted in his room, but this time, he couldn’t smell anything…

“Wake up, Spirit. Please.” A kind, feminine voice called to him.

_Spirit?_

Quickly, he pulled himself off the floor, once again surprised at how easy it was. Was he still dreaming? What was going on?

His questions got answered faster than he could locate the source of the voice.

Before his eyes, there laid… his body. _Him._ Dark furred throat sliced open, face covered in blood. Coral eyes not yet closed, widened in pure horror.

He screamed.

He wailed and cried openly, pulling at his quills. He pulled with all his might, yet even then he couldn’t feel pain. 

“Please, calm down!” The stranger called after him, but their voice failed to reach the dark hedgehog.

“This can’t be true!” He wailed. Who was he trying to fool? What was he trying to achieve?

“This, this isn’t real, _it’s not real !”_

Strangely enough, his tears felt the most unreal of it all. He could… technically feel them rolling down his cheeks, but something was off. They felt hot, but they didn’t feel wet. He didn’t bother contemplating on how that was even possible. 

He did, however, feel a warm and gentle tug at his palms, forcing them down and away from his quills. Shadow looked down only to be met with the sight of a stranger, presumably the same that was talking to him before. Their face was covered with a metal visor, adorned with a cleansing turquoise on top, yet Shadow could still make out the shape of a cat’s ears, a pale muzzle and amethyst fur. His own gloved hands were held in theirs, surprisingly warm despite the metal gauntlets they wore. The rest of their body was covered with a black cloak, yet the dark hedgehog could see ruby sabatons peaking through the layer of clothing. 

Actually… now that he took his time to look at the other’s form properly, he could see the cloak… was on fire? Black flames were dancing on the bottom of it, as well as on the top of the ponytail that was tied neatly behind the stranger’s head.

The cat raised their visor with one hand, exposing caring, amber eyes. The stranger seemed worried.

“Spirit, please.” They spoke up in a soothing voice. “I am here to help you.”

“Help…?” Shadow frowned, trying to make sense of what the stranger was saying. “Wh-who are you? What is happening?”

“You have witnessed a horrible fate; I am so sorry for your demise.” Shadow felt tears well up in his eyes once again as the other mobian spoke, “I came here to assist you on your way to the afterlife. If you grant me such honor, that is.”

“I-it was…” He walked away from the gruesome sight and sat down on the pier, staring into the sea and the horizon line in the distance. The sun was still high up and shining bright. “Real…”

The stranger followed the dark hedgehog, sitting beside him. They analyzed Shadow’s face carefully.

“I am afraid so, yes.”

“I am…” The striped hedgehog hid his face in his hands, sobs shaking his entire body. “I am… not going to see her ever again. I had so much to live for…”

A deep sigh left the cat. They seemed genuinely sad.

“I can only assume. Once again, I am very sorry… If I could resurrect you, if I had such power, I would. The only thing I can offer is… would you like to become a part of my flame?”

Multiple flames started swirling around, forming an orb that hovered above their palm. Then, they scattered, morphing into a plethora of meager golden sparks around them.

“These are spirit flames. They consist of every single soul I have gathered for as long as I am a reaper. Each of them perished— some of them quietly, some of them much like you. Yet, regardless of their fate, they are now safe with me. Warm with me. If you… if you would want to join me I can promise I would keep you safe, too.”

As mesmerizing as the show was, Shadow couldn’t help but frown. He crossed his arms, looking away.

“I’m not…” he sighed, trying to not occupy his head with _that_ image, “I’m not ready yet. Sorry.” 

The stranger only nodded in response; suddenly, he felt the need to point out something very crucial. “You know, I never imagined grim reapers to be such… compassionate beings, no offense.”

There was a bit of a pause before the cat spoke again, they looked like they were calculating their next words. Thankfully, they did not seem taken aback by the comment the striped mobian made.

“Not all death deities can be trusted, you are doing well by being wary of us.” The stranger sighed and locked their gaze on a stable current of water. “Though I am not a grim reaper. I am a goddess of death.”

 _And what’s the difference?_

“... Right. Still, could I have your name? I’m Shadow.”

“Most mortals call me Death.”

The dark hedgehog raised his brows at that response. Surely, she must have a name, right?

“Well… Death,” He addressed, feeling extremely awkward, “I’m terribly sorry, but I cannot go with you. Not until I find Maria and make sure that she is safe.”

“I understand…” She closed her eyes for a little while. When she opened them again, her lips opened and closed, like she was trying to say something, but couldn’t find the right words. The striped mobian waited patiently for her. “Would… would you like me to help you with that? Like I said, I cannot bring your life back, but I can do something that will prevent death gods from going back to reap your spirit. And when you are ready to join my flame, just call for me. I will be there.”

Coral eyes shined bright, as if there was still life peaking through them. Could she really help?

“Of course I would. But before that, could I have your name? An actual one this time.”

A small smile formed on the goddess’s face.

“Call me Blaze.” She said, and with that, began her work.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So! How did you like the new story? c: it had a bit darker touch to it than most of my works, but I'll promise to make it rewarding.
> 
> A bit of a disclaimer: if you feel the need to bind your chest for any reason, PLEASE, never use bandages! In this story binders have not been invented yet, Infinite has to make do with what he has. However, that does not mean the situation presented here is something to learn from. If anything, it's a lesson on how NOT to bind your chest. Buy a proper binder folks. Thank you <3
> 
> Also! Me and a friend of mine made a Sonadow server. If you wanna goof around with more writers and artists, or just simply observe the stuff we post there, go ahead! We'd love to have you :D  
> https://discord.gg/tpgzHGwqX6


	2. For my people

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! Just so you know, this chapter contains a redesign of Aleena and Bernie. If you’re curious on how they look like exactly, you can see it if you follow this link: https://twitter.com/ksplats/status/1324710225115549696?s=21
> 
> Without further ado, let us proceed!

  
“They luuurk in the shadows…” the wavery voice of the Shaman echoed across the poorly lit room. Sonic blinked, trying hard to concentrate on Carl’s voice, just like the rest of the students. The wooden walls and floors glowed a rich golden when exposed to the candle light, and the blue hedgehog himself would take a while to admire the sight, had he not been worried by how fast Carl swung the candle around, next to extremely flammable dried herbs and wood. 

Some of the younger mobians gasped at the elder’s words, but Sonic remained unfazed.

“They travel the darkness, they weave the dusk as they deem fit…” the human moved closer to the crowd, and his voice creaked nearly the same way the wooden panels beneath his feet did. 

“They are children born out of Leshiy’s despair, his pain…they carry on this sense of unfulfilled purpose… And they’re _angry_. And they want revenge on us living beings!” The elder swung his arm around, bear fur cape on his shoulders swinging at the motion.

There was a dead silence, everyone just stared into the human’s wide eyes as he spoke his eerie tale. His jaw was tense, like he was angry.

“So they bring misfortune onto the land. They bring pain, and fear…” the hand that held the candle traveled down, dangerously close to the floor, “on the ground…” Carl’s hand went up, and Sonic could foresee the danger as the candle almost touched the dried herbs decorating the ceiling, “to the sky!”

Then, it happened. The small bouquet lit up, making the audience freak out. Carl blew onto the fire, then quickly doused it before it could morph into anything lethal.

“Bloody hell… oops, you heard nothing, kids.”

The blue hedgehog rolled his eyes, fed up with the boring lecture. He needed to get up, to jump around, run, anything! So he got his pent up emotions out in the only way he deemed possible at the moment.

“Who you callin’ a kid?” Sonic called out, crossing his arms in defense, “Just because there’s three days until my adulthood ceremony does not mean I’m a kid!”

“That is still seventeen in my book, boy,” Carl added with a laugh, “and besides, you are not the only person in this room, young chief. Humility is the only true wisdom, more valuable than all the riches of this world.”

A set of giggles echoed in the room and Sonic frowned, lesson learnt.

“Yeah, yeah…”

The amusement on the older man’s face morphed into genuine kindness. The candle’s light was put out, but the darkness lasted only a couple of seconds before the shaman morphed a new light source - tiny blue tinted lights.

“Come here, Sonic. Come over here, boy.”

The illuminations swarmed Sonic, leading him the way. He was shocked and confused, but obeyed and made his way across the room to reach the human.

“And you, chief, will be the one that will hold the power to scatter the specters away. Your light…” Carl stopped for a second to observe the way the chaos flame clung to Sonic’s posture, “the spirits crave it. You’ll bring a lot of hope to our tribe, and chase away the darkness.”

The human crouched down and leveled with Sonic, fixing the amulet adorning the mobian’s chest. Golden face paint on the blue hedgehog’s face shined bright and rich, despite the blue light surrounding the room.

“And we will be there for you every step of the way.”

Sonic refused to admit that he smiled, or that his soul felt so right from the reassuring words. 

There was a lot to think about, lately; in just three short days, he is going to fully step into adulthood. But was he ready? Could he even comprehend how his life was going to change with his eighteenth birthday?

It was a tough concept, mostly because he was the son of the current village chief-- Chief Aleena. Mom and Bernie took pride in how the two of them managed the entire tribe and, as much as he loved his people, he couldn’t bear with the fear of letting them down. 

_I couldn’t wait for the day where I’d finally take over, but now… now, I’m just scared._

Later that day came his next lessons with Carl, though this time private ones.

“I call for thee to-!” Sonic yelled, trying his hardest to sound as dominant as possible. He has to sound tough and fierce to scare demons away, right? If only he remembered what part of the chant came next… “To-to…” He stuttered, giving Carl a nervous smile. _Think, Sonic, think!_ “begone!”

It could not have been that good of an idea, since… nothing really happened. None of his usual blue aura was present. _Well… it was worth a try._

“I would like to know what kind of sacred god passed you the knowledge of such a chant, as it could not have been any I have interacted with,” the human scolded him. “Let’s try this again, Sonic.”

Dark purple enveloped the shaman as he concentrated his own chaos energy.

_“Little children, born out of the forest’s darkness,_

_I stand against you with my light today._

_I call for thee to flee! Flee, I say!_

_Contort the shadows, far from this place!”_

His aura scattered, then returned to the human’s palms where it had come from. From Carl’s displeased face, Sonic could tell he was not performing his best today.

“Well… I tried?” the blue hedgehog started, rubbing his nose nervously. Sure, he has been memorizing that part over and over, but just how do you memorize so many chants and fancy words? And weren’t books there for a reason, couldn’t he just recite what was written down?

“I would have agreed with you, had it not been so awfully close to your ceremony, young one.” the shaman replied, a sad frown contorting his wrinkly face, “I am… most definitely concerned.”

“Oh, come on!” Sonic added defensively, “cut me some slack. I memorized so many spells already, do I really have to be a walking spellbook by the age of eighteen? Who can even do that?”

“Me, Aleena, and Bernie memorized it all by the age of fifteen.”

“Show offs,” Sonic said and poked out his tongue.

Carl remained silent for a while, lost in thought. Finally, he said,

“I do recall you saying that you are fascinated by chaos, though.”

“Because I am!” It was true. He could control the sky, the sea and the ground, and it was an amazing feeling, but… “I love commanding the wind, I can run and make my feet feel light like air! I like making flowers bloom or walking on water. But spellcasting is tied to hours and hours of memorizing, all that shamany-wizard gig is the less fun part.” 

They have been through this over and over again. He knew his chaosbending skills, no matter how impressive, were not enough. At that, he was a natural, not even Carl could best him. He took pride in his abilities.

But, as a future village chief, he knew that he also had to possess skills that went beyond chaosbending-- cleansing chants, healing spells, contacting lost spirits and gods were also on the list of skills he had to master. But he was far from it, and it couldn’t have been more frustrating.

He has never considered himself to be a patient person; far from it, in fact. Some people learn faster than others, and he definitely wasn’t one of those people, at least not when it came to spellcasting. He wished he was given a year or two more to hone his skills, but such wasn’t his luck. It wasn’t that he disliked magic…

_Or was it?_

“Sonic?” A concerned, feminine voice broke his train of thoughts. He knew that voice.

“M-mom?” Sonic said, turning in the direction of the voice. It was then that he noticed Aleena and Barnadette walking in his direction. “And Bernie, too?” The purple hedgehog wore her typical stern, no-nonsense look, whereas her partner seemed to be more laid back. She gave Sonic a sympathetic smile he couldn’t not be grateful for.

“Hiya,” his mother greeted him, waving her hand, which he gladly reciprocated. Aleena was already on her way to talk to the human, however. Sonic frowned at her behavior. _Hello to you, too..._

“Carl, is he making any progress?”

The human seemed uneasy, as if trying to find the right words. Eventually, he said:

“Of course, with each passing day.”

The current chief did not seem pleased with that answer. She sighed, to which Sonic and Bernie exchanged worried looks.

“You know what I mean. Is he ready for the ceremony?”

“Well…”

Aleena’s face twisted into something unpleasant, and when Sonic noticed she was about to say something, he had a pretty good idea of where this was going. 

“Don’t give me that look!” He started, desperate to have the first say in the conversation he knew will follow. “I am the best chaos bender around, it’s what I was _born_ to do. Not like you will see it, right. It’s the things I’m bad at that get the most spotlight, don’t they.”

The purple hedgehog frowned, fixing the bull skull on her head. 

“Sonic, as a chief, you need to—“

“Oh, yeah? Well, who came up with this idea anyway? We already got you, Bernie and Carl. Would the tribe really be in danger without a fourth spellcaster?”

“I need you to be able to look out for yourself!” She stood in a defensive stance, raising her voice. Bernadette and Carl exchanged troubled looks, a bit embarrassed to be a part of this conversation.

“Is she always this…” Carl started, but the blue furred female was quick to answer.

“Yeaaah, she’s a worrywart alright,” she gave him a nervous smile and began fiddling with her golden bangs.

“I _can_ look out for myself!”

“Oh, yeah? That’s the exact same thing your father said!”

Silence.

For a split moment, there was a silence Sonic could feel crawling up his spine. His eyes got watery. 

“I am _not_ him. I don’t even know him!” He yelled once again, his voice wavering, “but what I do know is that I, I… I surely would like to feel like I can trust you to have my back!”

There was a flash of blue light before Sonic disappeared out of everyone’s field of view.

He ran through the forest, letting the wind carry his feet. The trees shuddered violently in response, but he didn’t bother calming them down. 

_I can’t do it._

_I am useless._

_I don’t care._

“I don’t care!” He screamed onto the world, the rage seeping out of him slowly. He kept running until he made it out of the woodland area and the sand started prickling his eyes. 

He stopped and took a deep breath, trying to calm down his senses.

_It’s okay. I’m okay._

He tried to convince himself that their arguments were getting easier to handle, but they were not, really. There was so much pressure on his shoulders, and when his anger faded, he knew the anxiety and insecurities will follow. Still, he wanted to at least try to clear his head. He rubbed the piece of fur around his neck, finding the pleasant texture relaxing to touch.

He took a look around. Perfect. No one seemed to occupy his oasis right now. The waters were still and soothing. The horizon line felt grounding, and the cave to his left spoke promises of safety.

He walked up to the cave entrance, gently stroking one of its sturdy walls with his hand. A smile made its way back to his face and he leaned back against one of the walls, observing the water moving before him. 

Slowly, he swayed his hand from left to right in fluid movements and observed how the waves before him moved according to his ministries. He grinned.

“So what if I’m not good at spellcasting?” The blue hedgehog said to himself and stepped onto the water. He spread his arms, and the water itself spread in two directions, opening a clear path for the mobian to walk through.

“I’m one with nature. Nature! How many people can say that?” Sonic exclaimed with excitement, waving his hands around and creating swirls of water hovering above the sea level. Once the fluid came back into the ocean, some of it splashed him in the face and he giggled. 

“I can do so many things…” he said with a smile, fascinated with every gentle hum of chaos energy that ran through his veins. It was an unstoppable flow. It was energizing, and he loved focusing on this energy. It was like an ever present music. He ran back into the beach area and this time, it was the sand that moved according to the gestures of his fawn hands. Parts of the sand started putting themselves together in simple shapes above the ground, but Sonic kept on pressing them, tongue sticking out as he was focused on his task. 

The outcome was a sandy sculpture that looked awfully close to the blue hedgehog himself.

“Looking bomb, my guy,” he praised, aiming a finger gun at the sculpture. As soon as his finger touched the nose of the sculpture, it fell off. “Oof. I guess sand is not very sturdy. You still smashin’ though, keep it up.”

After a while, a smile on the peach muzzle faltered yet again.

“I am _not_ useless. She just doesn’t want to see my good parts.”

He said that, but dark thoughts invaded his mind nonetheless.

“Gah! Stop it, brain!” He groaned in misery, kicking the sand and ignoring the prickly sensation on his paw pads.

“My, that’s a nice sculpture you got there,” he turned around in the direction of the familiar voice. Bernie.

“Mom?” Sonic called, crossing his arms. He felt his cheeks redden in embarrassment. There was no way she didn’t hear his earlier outburst. “How did you—“

“How did I know that you would come here of all places?” She giggled and put her arms on her hips, “Please. You’ve been favoring this place ever since you learned how to walk, I have no idea what kind of parent wouldn’t notice after so many years.”

Sonic honestly didn’t know how to respond to that, so he didn’t. He let the older hedgehog walk up to him and pet his head. Blue ears lowered as he leaned into the touch.

“Look, what Aleena said was wrong and I already am planning to talk some sense into her. But what is more important to me right now is how you’re feeling.”

“I’m upset, obviously!” He called out, stepping away from Bernie, “why does it matter to her so much? Maybe spellcasting just isn’t for me! Why doesn’t she get it?”

Bernie gave him a sad smile.

“Even if you knew why, it wouldn’t change the things she’s done.”

“I know, but… I just wanna understand.” Sonic looked away and kicked the sand. Now that he thought of it, this prickly feeling on his paws felt funny, in its own weird way.

The older mobian sighed. She decided to give Sonic the answers he asked for.

“We’re not immortal, Sonic. Not me, Aleena, or Carl. She’s scared of what could happen to you if one day you find yourself on your own.”

The blue hedgehog was taken aback by these words. To think of the day in which all of the people he deemed family were gone… that was such a scary thought, and he didn’t want to think that far ahead. So far, his mothers or Carl weren’t going anywhere. End of story.

“We are talking about something in the very, _very_ distant future. That’s one thing. Second, even if it comes to that, I trust the village would help me. Do you have any idea how many skilled folks we have just among tribespeople? I rely on them, too!”

“These are Aleena’s thoughts, not mine. You said you wanted to understand.” Bernie said with a chuckle, “I think you’re right, personally. There is something so extraordinary about you, and in a good way. You have so many fresh ideas that might change the tribe for the better,” gently, she patted her son’s forehead, and somehow, it made Sonic feel smaller.

“But to resolve any sort of conflict, first there must be a mutual understanding of where it came from.”

Sonic frowned. 

“I am afraid that I’m never enough. I am afraid that my chaos bending skills, that I’m proud of, actually mean nothing to everyone besides me. I want people to see it, appreciate it.”

“Oh, Sonic…” she knelt down and brushed the ground with her palms, “I can’t feel the chaos energy in here. I know it’s there, but I can’t,” he looked at her in shock. He couldn’t possibly imagine it; he felt chaos energy constantly, like he was swimming in the sea of energy non-stop. “Your skills are extraordinary. I doubt anyone in this village could best you. You will always be my beloved son, and you will always be enough. You step into adulthood headfirst, and I couldn’t be more proud of you, no matter if you can memorize some kind of book or not.”

He smiled at her, genuinely touched with her kind words.

“Thanks, Mom.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Now if you’ll excuse me, I have a wife to lecture.”

Sonic giggled, already imagining it. 

“Wait, before you go. Could you show me the purifying ritual again? I would like to… I would like to still try learning it. Maybe this time, I can make it.”

Bernie seemed confused for a second, but in the end, she smiled and nodded.

And so, the blue hedgehog stayed cooped up in his room for the rest of that day, testing out various spells. The following day he could be seen either outside practicing chaos bending, or back in his room once again.

It went by without too much of a struggle until evening came and he could finally test spells that could only work once the sun went down. He was getting sleepy and tired from practicing all day, but his determination kept him awake.

“The ceremony is tomorrow…” he said to himself, observing the dark sky outside his room, “I wanna give it my all. I have to at least try.”

He drew the purifying chant on the stone floor once more, staining his fingers with ochre. 

“One last time.”

He took a deep breath. The scent of sage irritated his nostrils by this point; initially it was a nice aroma, but by now it’s become too much.

Why was he so nervous, all of a sudden?

_Oooh no, wasn’t step one to have a clear mind or whatever? Calm down, Sonic, calm down…_

_But, if I fail to do it, what kind of chief am I?!_

“I c-call upon you, Leshiy. Take your children away. Take them away to a place of love and care… a-and…” he tried to make out words from the spellbook before him, but it wasn’t an easy task. It was dark, and the spell required that there be no light whatsoever, “use this tunnel to channel them home.”

Normally, this would be the part that would trigger the glow of the blue flame. He waited, but not a single part of the ochre started glowing blue. 

Everything was still as the night.

Tears shined in the blue hedgehog’s eyes.

_It was hopeless..._

“So I… I can’t do it after all…” he curled into a ball, shoulders shaking with emotions. Salty tears dropped to the floor, staining it with his despair.

“I can’t do this… I can’t do this stupid thing!” He snapped, throwing the spellbook at the wall. It was filled with empty promises anyway. He hastily wiped the ochre pattern from his floor and rushed to the bed. He did not want to see what kind of mess he left behind.

He cried until he was too tired to cry anymore. Morpheus soothed his shaken soul with the embrace of his wings, and he drifted off before he knew it. 

The shadows contorted behind his unconscious body, their movement barely visible in the moon’s faint glow.

_Where… where am I?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaand I’m back With another chapter c: I managed to post it literally three hours before my birthday, wow. Anyway! I hope you enjoyed it and see you next time, peace! :D


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